Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.


Nope, STILL crazy.

What have I been up to?!
Honestly? Not a lot, but I've still managed to keep extremely busy.

More or less I have stayed mostly away from downtown. Relatively speaking.
Where I used to go out drinking downtown at least 3 nights out of the week, and the other 4 I'd spend drinking alone in my apartment. NOW, I go out twice a month, only for social events. And this has been a very consistent thing. Moderation?! TRYING.
I have completely disassociated myself with all of the people who were a bad influence on me. And while I realize that ultimately I am the only person who controls what goes down my throat or up my nose, in social situations, it honestly IS hard to say NO when that is what everyone else around you is doing. (I hold nothing against these people, but for my own well being I needed to break away).

I am only nervous writing this because I know how my brain works. Telling the world that I intend on being one way, my subconscious will take that as a DARE and make me act another way just to spite...me. That probably makes no sense, but most of what I write here is incoherent anyway, so this doesn't matter.

Me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for 5 months now and I can officially say this is the longest I've dated someone in 2 years.
I am trying SO very hard to get over my intimacy issues and let him in, and slowly, but surely, I feel I am. It's all just baby steps, patience, hard work and trust on both sides.
(It's just so strange to me. I've never been this way, I was always the one who wanted to hold hands everywhere we went, to cuddle 24/7, the one who would say "I love you" after every other word. But now the thought of that stuff honestly makes me feel stick to my stomach. Kind of like when you eat at a restaurant and get food poisoning, what's the likelyhood that you are ever going to want to eat at that restaurant ever again?! Even if you KNOW it was a fluke occurrence and the food was the best you've ever had).

I just want to love and be loved, but sometimes I feel like I've spent so much time treating myself like trash over these past 2 years, that I've just become it. And they say you cannot truly love anyone else until you love yourself first. Which is what I am currently working on...

I have been eating very healthy (well, except my birthday weekend, but well talk about that later) and I joined a gym! I never thought in a million years I would be one of those yuppie idiots you see at the gym, nor did I think I would ever enjoy it as much as I have been thus far.
I feel great, I have an abundance of energy that I never had before, and because of this, I have been able to stay focused and motivated with other important things going on in my life!
I have consulted a personal trainer and feel like I KNOW what I am doing when I go to the gym and that my workouts are successful and worth my time. And I've learned about caloric intake, good/bad foods and ingredients, and how it effects someone of my weight and height, and thus how to eat not necessarily the healthiest, but the most efficiently to make the most of my workouts. Etc...

Um, but back to my birthday weekend!
My boyfriend came to visit me. We went out a couple of times, and I had an impromptu gathering of friends at, where else? Elysium.
I left with bunny ears on my head, $50 in $1's and $5's pinned to my chest, at least $50 of free alcohol in my tummy, and some random t-shirts my friend made dangling off my shoulder.
I had an amazing birthday and TONS of fun. Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes, kisses, presents and $1 bills stuffed in my tits!!!!

Then immediately after all that drunken debauchery, I had to drive to San Antonio for my 3 day Chanel school. I feel more confident and comfortable in my line, but we all know I'm still a MAC girl at heart. So it definitely helped when one of the girls in my class was a MAC trainer in Florida for many years. I felt pretty special when we got teamed up, doing each other's makeup for the makeup rotations! also, the girl I carpooled there with was pretty awesome as well. Closer to my age and probably cusses more than I do, so I felt very comfortable around her. Especially when we checked into our hotel room and found out we only had ONE bed. I was like "THANK GOD YOU ARE NOT AN OLD LADY!".
Studied every night, won prizes and left with probably over $500 in goodies. Woohoo!

So, now I'm home, on what feels like my first TRUE day off in a month. Bored out of my mind!



PS-
I GOT A RAISE @ WORK!!!!!

At work, in the breakroom and horribly bored.

I really don't want to be here. I just wanna go to the gym and go home pumped and stay up all night cleaning.

My birthday is in a week! :D

Man, I really DO have intimacy issues.

I was fine with letting someone I have nothing in common with and no emotional attachment to, someone who I would normally absolutely loathe and detest, drunkenly bone me like a dog humping a throw pillow without even giving it a second thought. In fact the only thought going through my head at the time was me wondering what time I work the next day and how much my electric bill is gonna be. But last night when I'm laying in bed with an extremely attractive, intelligent, articulate, cultured, man who has been nothing but respectful and a complete gentleman to me, who was cherishing and kissing literally every inch of my body, all I did was stiffen up, push him off me and pretty much kicked him out shortly thereafter because I felt SO uncomfortable. With what exactly, I'm not sure.

Last night was an akward night in general as it was. I did things I promised myself I wouldn't do anymore, for the sole reasoning that "I haven't done anything bad in a while, so I should do it now". Then when I woke up this morning, all I did was yell "FUCK!" really loudly, and smack myself in the face.

It's just so easy to feel accepted and "loved" in that crowd of people, when I am not feeling accepted or "loved" from anyone else.
I have ended 2 very important friendships in the past week, which definately isn't helping.

I ended me and Melissa's friendship because I feel she played a large role in perpetuating my bad behavior by pretty much feeding me RX drugs the entire 6 months we collectively lived together. I know she meant well, but we are both very self destructive people and together, we make for a very unhealthy pair. When it wasn't unhealthy, it was not balanced. I stopped my bad behavior, from watching her destroy herself and when I try to help or offer my oppinion she pushes me away. The only real common ground we had was pain and I just couldn't be a part of that anymore, for my own sake and because it hurts watching someone you care about completely destroy her entire life. There's only so much you can do, you know?

I suppose me and Christina aren't friends anymore as well. Who needs your best friend that has been in your life for 7 years when you have your boyfriend that breaks up with you every other day and makes you cry all the time, that regardless you wouldn't have met in the first place, if it wasn't for me.
I don't really understand what is going on, other than I have to talk to her through her boyfriend because she apparently can't speak for herself, and that my feelings are hurt. Which is something that seems to happen a lot with her and I. Sorry I wasted so many years of your life, I guess.

All I want is what everyone else wants; I want to succeed and I want to love. None of those things seem to be happening for me, despite my best efforts. Everyone is telling me I am looking in all the wrong places. Yet, instead of giving me a nudge in the right direction, I just get negative critical remarks which make me feel worse about myself.

Where are you SUPPOSED to go to meet NICE GUYS anyway?! Is there a NICE GUY store here, or something?!

On a brighter/sadder note,
My Mom got the job at Macy's, so we're working together again. In fact they just hired a BUNCH of people who unecessarily and unfairly got fired from the Nord.
She goes in tomorrow for orientation and does her training through thanksgiving and starts on the floor shortly thereafter. I'm really happy and excited for her, even though she's so scared.

But right after she gets home from her interview/hiring process, I check my Facebook and I have a message from my uncle Tim (My Mom's brother), my Grandma died. So I had to walk to my Mom's to tell her. So now she's playing phone tag with her family, trying to figure out what's going on.

I haven't seen her since I was 7 and I was hoping I'd get to reunite with her sometime within the next year or so, but I guess I waited too long. I am sad because I remember her being a great Grandma, but I am obviously not nearly as upset as my Mom is.

It's just all sorts of depressing all the way around.

On an unrelated note,
The past 2 weeks my tits have grown a cup size and have been EXTREMELY swollen and sore and it's making me extremely nervous. My vision is going, my hearing is not the same as it used to be, my metabolism is shot, I'm always fatigued, my weight fluctuates horribly, but the good news is that my hair and nails grow at ungodly speeds. I need to go to the doctor/dentist, but I wont be eligable for insurence until June. Even so, my job's insurence is extremely expensive and there's no way I can afford it by myself. I'm just... fucked.

A DJ gave me his ring last night and told me he can't wait to see me again and when I put it on, I felt disgusted with myself.



This was the only good thing that came out of last night.
My hair looked super cute, because I got it cut and styled before I went out, but I danced so hard I was dripping sweat and then it turned into a hot mess. This is the shortest my hair has EVER been. I'm still trying to get used to it.

That lasted 3 seconds. It took a week and a half to tell Jesus boy to go shove a Bible where the sun don't shine. Don't lay in MY bed and text your EX messages about "cuddling" her. Tacky much?!

In the midst of this, my Ptrix came to stay with me for a few days! My vagina could be stuck in a meat grinder and I could be happy and have fun as long as Ptrix is there! I love him!

Together we went book shopping and ate food. I bought 16 new books and classic VHS tapes, such as 'CUTEST CAP CAPERS DELUXE', 'WIN $10,000', 'AWESOME AIRPLANES', and something with a mentally handicapped raccoon in it, trying to save all the manatees. Ptrix bought all the YuGiOh classics, as well as Naruto! Card captor master!

Right now I'm getting ready to go see a Swedish vampire movie with my new German friend.

Work is getting better, but now my health is givin' me hell! I keep getting back to back sicknesses and can't get better because I'm always at work or going out! I've been taking vitamins, but I think at this point my body is just exhausted. I'm thinking sleep is my only cure, but that will have to wait until my 3 day weekend I have coming up!

So, again, Nordy has proven itself to be closely associated with Satan.
They fired my Mom for the same reason they fired me. She apparently used "poor judgement" and sassed a manager, when in complete fact and reality, she did not do anything of the sort. Nor would she be as stupid to do such a thing and risk her job. Maybe her moreso than I, but my Mom knows what a little thing called tact is.

It broke my heart into a thousand pieces when my Mom came up to me at work trying not to cry and told me what happened.

I really hope someone assasinates the Nordy brothers and the whole company goes bankrupt, for the horrible way they treat their employees. Of whom have worked hard for many years and have devoted a good chunk of their lives to that fucking place.

On the bright side of things, the new Britney Spears album is amazing!

Well, I gotta get dressed to eat with my Mom and then go to my movie.

Is that on the day that a guy I really like from work asks me out on a date, I stab my eye with a mascara wand and scratch my cornea bad enough to where I had to wake up a couple hours ago (at 3 AM) and cab to the hospital.

Sweet, now I have to call out of work, lose pay, owe more $$$ in bills, and I can either go on my date looking like a kewl pirate with a sweet eyepatch or not go on my date at all and be pissed 'cause I didn't get any.

Well, but on the brighter side of things, I have to go to the eye doctor and probably get glasses. Oh wait, that's not brighter at all. That actually fucking sucks. More bills.

I did get sweet drugs though. And by sweet, I mean when I cabbed home and was walking through the complex to my apartment, I could barely stand up because the one little pill fucked me up so bad.

Why do these things keep happening to me?

I mean, I'm honestly not as upset as I sound. It's actually pretty funny because I seriously have to go to the ER at least once every 6 months at this point. I'm just not happy about my $1000 in additional debt.

Dammit! I really wanted to go on my daaaaaaate!!!!

I move into my apartment on the 1st, I'm pretty jazzed about that. Apparently the complex has decided for me and I'm getting the gigantor 1 BR, complete with random fireplace and everything. As opposed to the small one BR, withOUT the fireplace. Haha.

Yay for living alone and being able to walk around naked 24/7. With a roaring fire crackling in the background. SOOO sensual.

I think I am throwing together a large group of people and we're going to get this move over and done with. So I can hurry up and get settled in, STOP asking people for help and can pay off my bills, so I can afford to pay for car insurance.

But see, now I am contemplating going to sk3wl. I already know how to do makeup, why not hair as well? As soon as I get everything settled with my finances, I am going to call around and get some price guestimates and see if going to skwell is something I can afford with the car insurance and my other bills. Stupid... money.

Even though my job is a pretty well paying job that I enjoy doing and am good at, I seriously do not want to work at the mall or retail for the rest of my life. Shouldn't I be, like, graduating from college or something important right about now? I hold myself a little higher up on the ladder than mediocrity, thanks.

Um, I guess I've been kind of boring lately. Job this, job that, bills this, bills that. I can't even find the time or desire to go downtown anymore and when I do, I have to force myself to drink (but hey, at least it only takes me a few drinks to get trashed now and I can save some money). I'm just not interested anymore, I have better things to do and I'm tired of chasing my proverbial tail around in circles.

All aspects of my life seem to be doing okay so far *knock on wood*, now all I need/want is to find a love interest that is ambitious, goal oriented, with a job, with a car, and/or someone who is emotionally stable. I'm not intentionally going out and LOOKING for anything right now, but either way, I'm tired of lowering my standards and being treated like crap by guys, because I feel like I can't find any better.

Oh well, with all the losers out of the way, all the more time to find my prince charming. Or, um, a hot stud. Whatever.

'Kay, well, I have to go to bed now. I am getting up super early in the morning, to get ready for scho00o00o0o00o0ol.

Um, yeah!!!!!!!!!

Alrighty, what have I been up to lately?!

Let's start with my getting into a bus accident a little over a week ago.
A car cut off the bus I was riding on and stopped halfway in/out of the street. The bus couldn't stop on time and hit the car and I went literally FLYING across half of the bus and smashed my knee on a metal seat corner. (I'm fine now). They had to call the ambulance and the police and they took one older lady to the hospital, 'cause her eye smashed into a metal guard rail. I... just went to work.

Speaking of work, the other night a homeless man covered in blood snuck into the store after closing and hid upstairs inside of a dress on a dress rack. When LP found him, he was totally wasted and he started screaming that somebody "beat him up in the woods" and that he had a gun and was going to shoot us all. LP tried to apprehend him and he ran off SOMEWHERE in the store and pretty much wouldn't let us leave the building for 30 minutes. Then I guess they were like O WELL LOLZ HAVE A GOODNIGHT EVERY1 TTYL.

That same night I went with Christina and Brent to see Information Society. THE most entertaining show I have ever seen in my life, hands down. Especially when the singer pelted the audience with candy and bags of chips, which fed me at work for 2 days, btw. Then he somehow found a giant 6' tall throw rug and threw THAT in the crowd and almost killed us all.

Right NOW I am enjoying my 2nd day of my 3 day weekend. (LULZ @ ALL TEH NORDZ DEALING WITH BOL AND I'M JUST CASUALLY RELAXING ON MY SATURDAY OFF).
I am about to get dressed, 'cause Christina and I are going to go get our hurr did in a little bit. Pretty excited about that one since I haven't had my hair cut since April and I am pretty sure I resemble a gothic yeti at this point.

I am kind of freaking out about money related issues. This haircut is something I really cant afford right now, but my hair is literally so damaged it's falling out in giant clumps.
I still have 2 paychecks before I need to pay for my apartment, so I just literally have to save every single penny from my next 2 paychecks and not spend it on ANYTHING.

I'm also questioning getting the bigger apartment now, only because it just occured to me that bigger apartment = bigger electric bill. So an extra $35 a month can quickly be an extra $55, etc. Plus, I am going to ask them if I can pay whatever it is to move in a day before the first, so I can get my stuff out of Public Storage without having to pay for another month.

Um, other than that, life is pretty kewl! My job is pretty kewl! My coworkers are pretty kewl! AND I've seen The House Bunny 3 times now and this is obviously the shinning achievement of my life.

I have Monday off, so tonight is sweet Elysium night, with Christin4. Where I intend on staying all night and getting totally hammered because I've been REALLY well behaved this past month and I think I am entitled to one night of being bad.

WELL TAHTS ALL 4 NOW GIRL TTFN.

Weeeeeeell, I have been working my patootie off. 6 day stretch and pretty much 12 hour days collectively. I am getting a lot more confident with Chanel, but I find myself really only interested in their skincare (which is amazing) and their fragrances especially. Their lipstuff is okay, they have a pretty good collection there. But we all know I am an eye and a cheek girl and there is... nothing there. Everything is muted and sparkley and They have, like maybe 8 blush colors?! And only one of them is bright!!!
I figure the experience is good and since Chanel seems to be more geared towards their skincare than their color line, I can take that and use it in future endevors. I have my eye on a few things!

So, I might be getting either a 2 bedroom or a gigantic one bedroom, because it's only $35 more a month and I don't see any reason why I shouldn't. And this time I am going to go all out and decorate my apartment and make it all pretty and girly, since I was too busy being an alcoholic in my free time before to even bother doing anything with it.

Last night Patrick and Jenny came to Austin, because they had to Evacuate to New Braunfels. We went to Spiderhouse and spent 2 hours doing Peetus Movie titles, like the following:

Jurassic Peetus
Silence of the Peetus
Land Before Peetus
My Big Fat Greek Peetus
Sweeny Peetus
Never Ending Peetus
10 Things I hate About Peetus
Peetus Actually
All Dogs Go To Peetus
Pretty In Peetus
Not Another Teen Peetus
The Shawshank Peetus
Lord Of The Peetus
Peetus Strikes Back
The Dark Peetus
Beverly Hills Peetus
What's Eating Peetus Grape
Big Peetus In Little China
Monty Python Holy Peetus
Around The Peetus In 80 Days
Tropic Peetus
I <3 Peetuses
My Sassy Peetus
Much Ado About Peetus
My Best Friend's Peetus
Speed Peetus
How To Lose Friends And Alienate Peetus
Memoirs Of A Peetus
Desperately Seeking Peetus
Bill & Ted's Excellent Peetus
Nightmare Before Peetus
Back To The Peetus Part II
Peetus And The Chipmunks
The Peetus Purple
Fast Times At Peetus High
Karate Peetus
Little Shop Of Peetus
The Naked Peetus
Peetus & Company
Peetus And The Tramp
Peetus' Big Adventure
The Peetus Bride
Purple Peetus
Return Of The Living Peetus
Risky Peetus
See No Peetus, Hear No Peetus
Space Peetus
Deep Peetus
Terms Of Peetus
This Is Spinal Peetus
Who Framed Roger Peetus
Who's That Peetus

And then we spent another good part of the night calling 1800GOOG411 and asking for BLACK PEOPLE and HERPES and getting connected to colleges and Applebees. Thx gewgle.

I feel last crap today because last night was the first time I've really drank in a long time (And by really drank I mean 2 1/2 margaritas), so I plan on spending my day off on the couch, watching Cold Case Files and First 48 or whatever it's called, and gorging myself with fewds.

The night before, Christina, Brent and I went to Sweet Elysium for a couple of hours, which was fun. M3 and mah grillie have been hanging out more which makes me happy because I luv mah griloiewsz and I missed her a lot!!! Things will be easier for everyone once I get my apartment.

As soon as I move into my own place and get my finances back in order (because moving is expensive as FRICK), I am going to focus on getting my car and then once that happens, well, I will be happy as FRICK. ---> Like that.

TTFN!!!!!11

So, I forgot to write about my first day on the floor.
It was a little uncomfortable because I haven't been on a sales floor for almost a year at this point. I am still 110% confident in my makeup skills, but I am 110% NOT confident in my selling when I don't know anything about the product, you know? The skin care is a lot to take in, because coming from MAC, they aren't a skincare line AT ALL. I mean they HAVE it, but it's just there to SAY they have it, you know? Chanel has several different lines, for all different skin types, and a weird chart thing I have to complete at the beginning of a makeup application, to determine what skincare they will need. It's a whole other world there.

Skincare is NOT my thing, but I guess I kind of have to MAKE it my thing if I want to work there.

But, all in all, my first day was great. I REALLY like my counter manager and I really like that we are both learning together. I like how we, no matter how you slice it, will always be MAC girls at heart and kind of decided to "MAC-ify" our counter, because, well, it wont hurt, that's for sure.

I spent an hour or two swiping lipsticks, and we decided we're going to start doing theme weekends and have mini counter "events" and pull random customers to sit them down.
Of my own accord, I spent most of the day wiping that counter down, inside and out. Cleaning all the testers, restocking the displayers that hold the sponges, spatulas and whatnot. I mean, christ on a cracker that counter was in shambles. Mainly because the counter only has 3 people working there and at once, two of them just quit, as well as their AE. So it was pretty much abandoned for a while and NO TLC from anyone!!!! Well, it's MY counter now and that thing is going to be more sparkley than Chris Kirkpatrick's dreadlocks.

I need to check and see if my work faxed that form into my leasing office, so I can hurry up and make 110% sure that I got the apartment. I mean, I know I'll get it, but I want to make sure I get it on the 1st. I don't know how many more cockatiels I can handle at this point.

Okay, well, waiting for Christina to come get me. I don't know what we're doing, but, um, can't stay out all night 'cause I have to work in the morning.

I LEAVE YOU ALL WITH THIS:

Take the "What Chris Hairstyle Are You?" Quiz

When I got a Facebook friends request from a newfound cousin, Monica (far left), I was suprised to see this picture because we're apparently twins. All of the girls on my Dad's side of the family look the same. It's cute!

Today was my first day of training. 4 hours of CD rom "lessons" on diversity (aka homosexuals) and quizzes about mens skincare. An additional 3 hours of seeing familiar faces and watching people on their lunchbreaks when, at the time, it was late afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything but a Nutrisystem blueberry muffin and a banana.

Tomorrow is the actual PEOPLE version of my training. Where I don't have to listen to weird robot people narrate videos from 1991 about safety procedures. Then Saturday is an apparent 6 hour CD POS register training.

Ok, gotta wake up at SICKS AM!1!1!1!1!!!!! TTFN LJ.

lean like a cholo


So, today I went and signed some hire paperwork. I have some more to sign tomorrow whenever I have time to pop in. Then on Thursday I have 4 hours of CD ROM training, Friday I have a 4 hour training with apparently 45 managers because I am some sort of trainee guinea pig, Saturday I have 4 hour register training, then SUNDAY I am on the floor, shadowing the counter manager.

Speaking of, she's AWESOME! She worked at the MAC prostore in Dallas forever, before she started at Chanel. So she knows what an odd transition it is! I told her I know barely anything about the products and she said not to worry about it! She gave me a bunch of stuff to read about Chanel, like the 2008 beaute manual. Suh-weet!

Earlier today I also put down a deposit and put in an application for an apartment. Tomorrow when I go in to finish up my paperwork, I will bring the form they need to fax back to the leasing office for me to get the apartment. If I get it, I will move in on the 1st of October.

Same place I was living before I moved, which is fine because I honestly like that complex. The rent went up $50, but what can ya do?!

I am very nervous and anxious about this, but I HAVE to do this. I am not giving myself any other options. I honestly have no other options either way.

I have Monday off, so I'm wondering if anyone wants to celebrate funhappytimes with me Sunday afternoon, when I get off work. I don't know whowhatwherewhenhow, and I'm not picky either way, but I want to do something!!!

So, maybe 30 minutes after I posted my last entry, I got a call from Macy's. The guy gave me a quick interview over the phone and said, "Well, I'm going to be frank, we have 2 full time positions open in cosmetics. Origins and Chanel. Would you be interested and available to come in tomorrow for an interview?!". I pretty much screamed YES at him and he laughed at me.

So, I had about 45 panic attacks, and got 2 hours of sleep because I got about 19 phone calls between 12:00 AM and 5:00 AM of Elysium people asking me where I was, where the after party was and then at after 3 I kept getting, "Why aren't you after the after party?!?!". One person called me 6 times last night! Seriously yall?! Last night was truly my anti-drug!!!

Anyway, I thought for sure I was going to fubar the interview. I even wrote out what was pretty much a script of what to say, so I'd be well prepared. Well, the cosmo manager, Larissa (SOOO nice, I love her!!!), told me that she really liked me and asked if I had time for a secondary interview with the store manager! He came in and he was SOOO cool!!! He was like, "I am going to ask you a bunch of mandatory questions. Some of them are kind of silly or weird, but answer the best you can!". So, I went with it and he said he loved me and as far as he was concerned I'm perfect for the job and hired. That all the had to do was have the Chanel AE call me and do a phone interview. Well, their AE just quit so they don't have one, so Larissa went ahead and decided to hire me on the spot!!!!!!! sdjfjfgsjgj!G!GH!!G!J!GJ!G!!!!

So then she took me around the department and said, "Chanel is one of our premiere counters and we only hire the best for it!!!!". It made me feel really good. I felt very welcome and everyone I met that day I really liked!

When I was sitting in customer service waiting for Larissa to come find me, every employee that walked by was like "HI HOW ARE YOU!!!!!", like they knew me for ages. I felt so comfortable there!!!!

So, if they didn't have other interviewers/interviewees needing the interview room, they would have had me sign all my documents for hire, so they're having me come in tomorrow at 11:00 AM to do all that stuff and I have a job doing makeup again! And a GOOD ONE! With CHANEL!!11282823982392!!(!*!&!^71^%!&%$!@&^$@*^@(!*^(*!^!(8

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO HAPPYPYP I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH, I FEEL LIKE I GOT A BREATH OF FRESH AIR AND A SECOND CHANCE. I AM SO HAPPY SOSOSOSOS HAPPY.!!1!1183293719043
14312424242342343242
34324234
2342
32357ETOIJHSKFHSD8F9S798!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I can pay Christina back, now I for sure can afford to live by myself and get my own apartment again, now I can be a functional member of society again!!!!! I am so happy I want to just cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am still a little nervous that something might still go wrong, and I wont be 110% confident until after I sign everything tomorrow. But right now I am so frickin happy I can't even explain it in words. Or text. Or high pitched squeeling sounds.

<--- this is TRULY HOW I FEEL INSIDE. THANK YOU ACEDIAS LITTLE GENTS.



PS-
It's so weird that after I met my Cuban family this past April, when I went to Florida, now all of my cousins on both my Dad AND Mom's side of the family are coming out of the woodwork to add me on Facebook and reunite with me. All of a sudden I have, like, a family. It's weird. I still don't understand the concept of family or that anyone is related to me other than my Mom and Dad, but it's nice to know I have people out there who care about meeeeee.

PS:

Exorcist

My favorite grillie, xtinz, helped me out big time last night. Thank you so much grillie, you seriously saved me ass, saved me lucky charms, as well as treated me to a movie. BRB grill, dropping off some timber in the mysterious crapper. Also mny thx 2 u 4 calling me while blasting Jesseh Mccartney. Doo Doo Doo beep beep doo doo beep. Omfg @ all my friends ever.

So, the other night, me and Xtinz met up with Gremken and BEX and went out to eat at Texican, a fine El Paso cuisine dinning experience. Then we went to Blockbuster to rent a movie to watch, but we couldn't decide what to get. So somehow the idea came up to blindfold me and let me loose in Blockbuster and the first thing I pick is what we're gonna watch, no questions asked.

Well, I picked a true winner. "Rize". With a z and everything. It's this documentary about krumpin and clownin and we all were very pleased with my selection. I learned all about inner city youth and their daily struggles and how they overcome it all with... krumpin. With makeup on. And their krumpin' battles. Of Tommy The Hip Hop Clown, Lil Dimplez, Squint Eyez and LIL Squint Eyez, and also Larry. As well as Miss Prissy.

So, right now I am dying my hairs and mah eyebrows and I kind of look like a sensual cross between Uncle Jesse and a child molester. Waiting for my Mom to come home with some answers about whether or not she's getting that San Antonio job and where I am going to... BE. I am hoping that I'll hear from Macy's and/or Savers by Tuesday, if not I'm going to call and harrass them. If that doesn't work, well, I guess I'm going to be TN's new roomie!!!! Well, IF my Mom has to move.

Xtinz helped me out with the storage situation, so as of right now, I am NOT going to lose all of my belongings. Ugh, thank GOD. But, the living situation is what's scary right now. Hopefully this will be taken care of soon.

You know, I realize that I am totally regressing, with the possibility of working at a thrift store for minimum wage again. I know I will be struggling HORRIBLY, but I did the math and I KNOW I can do it. I can handle a horrible job for a while, until I can find a better paying job that I am qualified for and skilled at. I am actually kind of excited about working for Savers though (If I manage to get a job with them). It will be nice having an easy, no brainer, job that doesn't require opening credit cards or making sales goals. It will be kind of nice being NORMAL for 5 seconds. But if I end up with Macy's I'll be extremely happy as well, because that means I will actually be able to save up some money and soon get my car! More room for advancement and more $$$.

Pleh, I don't really know what's going on right now, but as of this second, I feel optimistic. Even if I don't get either job. I KNOW I can do this!

One thing that is kind of bumming me out right now though is my panic problems. I have been getting HORRIBLE panic attacks in the past 2 weeks. At the movies, in bed, even when I turned in my job application at Savers. I am getting good at hiding them and calming myself down, but they really are starting to interfere with my daily activities.
For obvious reasons I started getting horrible, horrible panic attacks a year ago. I thought it was because of my drinking, that maybe I drank too much (which I WAS, but...). But I quickly realized that when they were still happening, even when I wasn't drinking anymore, alcohol wasn't the problem. It just exacerbated everything.

I know I need to go see a doctor about this, because this isn't helping with my poor heart any. Hey, at least I stopped breaking out into nervous hives/rashes from stress. I still can't believe that happened and that I almost had to go home from work. Sooo embarrassing.

It's so weird. Lately I really feel like I've finally opened my eyes. I've looked behind me at the complete mess I've made of my life and I am just... in shock. Damage control time! I feel like Lindsay Lohan, except I'm not a sweet lesbian.

Now BRB! HAVE 2 WASH THE CHILDMOLESTER OUT OF MAH HAIRS!!!!

Tonight is going to be an Adrienne R&R TLC night. No clubbing, no drinking, no being an idiot. Just, my Mom, some screaming cockatiels and TV ALL NIGHT.

Well! Me and TN might be roomies in a few days! TN's worst nightmare is finally coming true! SPENDING EVERY WAKING HOUR WITH TN, SAYING "HEY TN!!!!!". We're all excited!!!!

I'm going to drop off more job appz with XtiNz in a second, then, well I don't know.

Maybe we'll hang out with El Jefe lulz!

So, if I get the job that is in South Austin, like I am HOPING for, then I will just take over my Mom's lease when she moves. In... a week. If not, then, like I said, TN and I are sweet roomies and I'll just get a job up north, until I can find a job South and save up for an apartment also South!

I have decided that once I get my shit together, get my own place and have saved up a decent amount of money, I'm getting a rat again. I was looking at pictures of all my animals and I really miss Nikolai!

I like how I am truly turning into myself via 5 years ago. For as lame as I was 5 years ago, I was still so much cooler then than now. I lost track of myself!

BRB GOTTA GO PLAY YU GI OH. DUELIST!!!!!1!111!1!!11

I get the best birthday presents that $2.99 can buy! Happy birthday!

Soo, the other day Patrick and I bought books. Lately I've been all about reading books, I don't know why because I absolutely hate reading when there are no pictures involved and don't understand the point of it anymore when there are things like TV, movies and the internet. But I am also an idiot, sooo! I got 'A Million Little Pieces' by James Frey, 'Confessions Of A Sociopathic Social Climber' by Adele Lang and 'The Complete Idiots Guide To Getting Along With Difficult People'. Hahahaha!!!
Not too long ago I read 'Disco Bloodbath'/'Party Monster' by James St. James. I just read it because I'm absolutely obsessed with the movie and I think James St. James is fabulous! I've also been reading books on Tarot readings, astrology, and spirit channeling. As well as the ultra girly, 'It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken'. I forget who it's by, but I read it a year ago and it gave me a little peace of mind. I figured reading it again wouldn't hurt. I read 'Party Monster' like, 4 times. All during my 2 week phase of watching Party Monster, both the movie and "shockumentary", every single day. I get obsessed over things very easily.

So, I was applying online for some jobs last night and I really like how these surveys they had me fill out made me question everything I am as a human being. Apparently the only people who are alive in his world are HISPANIC (NOT WHITE) or NOT HISPANIC. These surveys were asking me questions like if I am confident, self sufficient and if I like to scream at my coworkers when I am angry. I think one of the surveys asked me if I like to hit customers when I am having a bad day. I really wanted to say yes. I mean, it's true sooooo.

Pleh, life has been pretty p3wpi3 for me and, um, all of my friends lately. I wish it would stop! Everyone is breaking up or trying to light eachother on fire and it's hard to be supportive of all of my friends and their murderous rampages when I am just as depressed as them. Can we do being depressed in intervals, please? I think this would made everything a lot easier!



WTF is this?!?! I want it!!!! Anything named LOL has to be good.

After 4 years, I am going to make some of my journal entries public again.

For those of you not on my friends list who, for some reason or another, have still been checking back from time over the past few years to see what I am up to, here's the entry you've been waiting for!

Get ready for it!

Aaaaaand go!

This weekend Patrick came down, err, sideways? It was just like good old times. We (Me, Patrick, Christina and sort of TN) drank, played Rumble Roses and some weird yugioh shit, watched stupid videos on YouTube until the wee hours of the morning. "ITH TINA, BITCH!!!!!". Then TN got angry and tried to karate chop us until we all went to bed. The next night Christina, Brent, BEX and I had a Bob Saget party and watched the Bob Saget Roast, while eating delicious snacks that BEX prepared on a beautiful platter. The NEXT night we had a reunion at sweet Elysium! Patrick, Christina, TN and I met up with Timmy! I haven't seen Timmy in 2 years since the "private anu" incident. It was so good being around my best friends again though! I've been kind of emotionally MIA this past year and I'm just now kind of opening my eyes and looking at what's around me. All I can say to that is EWPSIE!1!!1!111 MAI BAD!!!!11! And not let this happen ever again! For those who don't know what I am talking about, you're obviously an idiot because it's all I posted about nonstop for many months on any blog or online profile I've ever had in my whole entire life. Get with the program, pls.

Uhhh, For those who haven't been on my friends list over the past 4 years, or who haven't creepily stalked my MySpace, I moved to El Paso for 7 months shortly after a bad breakup and getting fired from my job for no reason. That kind of sucked a lot, but they say that bad things happen in 3's, right? So I should be fine, after I dated some loser in El Paso for 3 months who, for all intents and purposes, should have been dating my Dad instead of me. So, aside from being pissed, I was also extremely bored and moved back to Austin.

Now I'm unsuccessfully trying to find a job and get my own place again. You know, get on my own two feet or whatevs. At least I can say my life is... interesting?! Right?!



This is what I spent my 4th of July doing. Lighting trees on fire with atomic bombs with Melissa and her rommates. Sw33t explozi0nz!1!!!1!



Tinah is mah princess!!!! GIMMEH GIMEH GIMMEH GIMMEH GIMMEH MOAR GIMMEH MORE GIMME MOAR GIMMEH GIMMEH...

Pew pew pew firin all mah lazerz @ u.